Ceremony and Ritual
Rituals help to heal the pain of letting go, offering reconciliation and peace;
while at the same time connecting us with something much greater. End–of–life rituals
can help a person die not only a peaceful death, but also a sacred death,
bringing reconciliation and acceptance to both the loved ones and to the person dying.
Rituals, however, are not meant to take the place of medical or hospice care. They assume that the physical needs of the dying person are well attended to and that pain management is under control.
When we work at the place of ritual we work at the soul’s level, the realm of myth. There are four levels through which the shaman engages the world. These levels correspond to the four
domains of vibration and light. These levels are the physical world (our body), the realm of thoughts and ideas (mind), the realm of myth (soul) and the world of spirit (energy). Albert Einstein once said that the problems we face in life cannot be solved at the place in which they were created. To that end, being able to shift to a higher realm of perception can help us experience oneness with all of creation.
When we work with ritual we work at the realm of myth, where the language is poetry, music, stories and fairy tales, symbols and images. When we engage in this realm of myth, where language is inadequate, we work as close as we can to the essential or realm of spirit. This is the realm talked about in all the ancient traditions of the Buddhist, Egyptian and Celtic validated by individuals who have had a near death experiences which are documented by Raymond Moody. In this realm we work with ritual and ceremony and shift the level of engagement with dying out of the fear of death and the death of the ego and move to a place where we can easily stay conscious for the journey ahead.
Rituals are a major part of our lives. When someone is married or when we light candles on a cake and sing “Happy Birthday” we are performing a ritual. According to theologian Tom Driver, “Rituals are primarily 
instruments designed to change a situation.” Rituals transform one state of being into another. They carry us from childhood into adulthood or from membership in our family of birth to the creation of a new family through marriage. Rituals can be complicated but they can also be very simple and personally meaningful. They can be part of a larger religious system or they can be created solely for a specific need.
Rituals can help us see things in a clearer way. Rituals have the ability to bring people an experience of something greater; they bring to the surface and resolve very deep feelings that have been buried in our unconscious.
Rituals for death can come in many forms. They can come from the person’s religious background. When death is near, even people who have not practiced in adulthood, often want to hear what is familiar to them from their childhood. From there, you can expand into more personalized rituals, or create new rituals to assist them. Again a person’s religious background plays an enormous role in what happens at the time of death. Each faith tradition has its beliefs and symbols. The symbols or beliefs often define the process of death itself and where God is for the person in the experience.
There is a wonderful book by Megory Anderson called Sacred Dying, Creating Rituals for Embracing the End of Life, that covers in detail many of the unique rituals Anderson performs and creates. Some of the kinds of rituals used include: letting–go rituals, rituals for unresolved issues such as anger, remorse, or sadness, as well as purification rituals.
Baptism with water or the use of water as purification and cleansing is a fairly accepted symbol and can be used to help the dying person prepare for death and beyond. Anointing to sanctify the body and the soul, breaking bread together, a prayer shawl and tefillin, or specific prayers to be read out loud, are all traditional rituals that take place at the time of death. Take the existing ritual and make it into something personal and meaningful for the loved one and their family.
The most important thing to remember is that this time is for the person dying. If rituals are created with that in mind, and rooted in love and compassion, then there is no right way or wrong way to do things.
Tools You May Want To Use
Holy objects, altars and articles of prayer, are all items that can be used to assist with the journey. Candles or soft lights can bring peace and safety. Smells like incense, sage, flowers, scented candles or aromatherapy may be other tools to bring the divine present. But when people are dying their sensitivity to odors is acute; make sure your patient does not have a negative reaction.
The element of sound can be included, such as done in Tibetan Buddhism. In Islam the Qur’an is read, and when the final moments arrive there is complete silence. Also remember silence is a very important sound. Reading stories or scriptures or familiar psalms can be done by family members. Music can be used to soothe and inspire. It can bring peace to the atmosphere of a room or be used to create sacred space. Sounds of nature are also wonderful. But it is good to remember the importance and necessity of sitting in silence.
After our loved one has died, our responsibility is just as critical as it was before their transition. We can look to their religious beliefs and practices for guidance. Steps for this transition include making symbolic changes in the room, honoring the body by washing it, clothing it, and preparing it for the funeral, and beginning the mourning period by planning the pre–funeral ceremonies.
Ceremony From Ancient Traditions
Many ancient traditions and religions have rituals around dying. The two main ceremonies used by shamans are the despacho and fire ceremony. The despacho for the dying is known as the Aya despacho or despacho for the dead. Each layer holds prayers and representations from the person’s life. The despacho is done with the dying person by their friends and family members and then burned in a fire ceremony.
The fire ceremony can use a candle or regular fire either inside or outside. For the ceremony, wait for the fire to become friendly and approach the fire to silently put our offering into it. Having made your offering, then put your hands briefly through the fire—drawing the energy of the fire into your belly, your heart, and then into the forehead. It is not meant to be sensational or dramatic, but rather a way to focus your attention and energy upon transformation.
Why Ceremony is important: the brains influence on death
The human brain is divided into four “sub–brains” that have developed at different evolutionary stages of life. Each sub–brain governs a different aspect of human nature:
The primitive, reptilian or lizard brain has the primary function of survival or reproduction. It regulates the autonomic systems including body temperature and breathing. This region evolved millions of years ago and contains the brainstem, medulla, and cerebellum. This brain knows how to die in the same way it knows how to be born.
The next brain is the limbic or mammalian brain. It is very emotionally laden and the primary instinctual programs are fear, feeding, fighting, and sex. Religion and law are both products of our limbic brain and are designed to control the impulses of this region. This brain is oriented toward the preservation of the organization or organism. It is very controlling and its primary goal is to extend life. You can see regressive behavior from individuals operating out of this brain in times of crisis. The goal of this brain is avoid extinction at any cost. The body knows how to die but the limbic brain overrides this. Nothing can stand in the way when the fear of death becomes active. The mammalian brain overrides all of our natural ways of dying when fear is activated. Click on the Fight or Flight video to see how you can help release the fear from the body.
The neocortex, or the new brain of science and individuality first appeared 100,000 years ago and is works to make sense of it all.
Finally the god-brain is the part of our brain that transcends individuality, seeking oneness with everything. It is located in our foreheads above our eyebrows and Buddhist monks who enter into the state of Samadhi display neural activity almost exclusively in this region of the brain. For the god-brain, time is fluid, running backwards and forward as if in a dream.
It is important in the death rites that we address all levels of the brain. The reptilian will guide us through the process, the neo-cortex is trying to make sense of what is happening, and the fears of the limbic brain lose their emotion through ritual. Through ritual the fear from the emotionally laden limbic brain is bypassed and becomes still.
The steps of the Death Rites are rituals that help bypass the fear.